Please don't touch

As anyone with a roommate is aware, the relationship has its ups and downs. At its best, you live with someone who is a lot of fun and you have a lot in common with them. On the down side, sometimes you have a roommate that likes to eat your last ice cream sundae or lick your deli sliced ham before you have had a chance to eat it.

Some roommate have a tendency to mooch from their other roommates. It starts out all innocent "hey, can I borrow a buck?". Next thing you know they are making long distance calls on your cellphone.

My story starts out innocent but ends with humiliation for one.

On the summer day of August 1st I moved into a new apartment. Having not lived in the dorms, this was my first move out of my house. I was filled with a mix of excitement and apprehension. I had lived with two cats before, that turned out fine, but this, this was different. How would it be living with someone else? I would soon find out.


A picture of the apartment shortly after moving in.


Having graduated from college with a degree in engineering, my roommate, of course did not have a computer. Apparently computers are not necessary for this. Given my kind nature, having spent most of my youth mending broken wings of injured birds, I allowed him to use my computer. This decision haunts me even to this day.

I started to notice various files appearing on my desktop. Apparently my roommate was unaware of the fact that when you view a movie it downloads it to my desktop. These files turned out to be moves. Movies of people fornicating. I figured as he did not delete the obvious movies on my desktop, he was not clever enough to remove the history in the web browser, so I checked. To my horror I discovered this:



Being passive aggressive and recently completling a course in being an evil genius, I decided to take a bit dfferent of an approach to this than confrontation. As this was my computer, I also felt free to do whatever I want with no fear of retaliation. After a few days I discovered what sites he tended to goto. I then set it up so everytime he went to one of his pornographic websites he got something else instead.

Rather than boobies he got this: MUAHAHAHAHHAHA

I then attended a dance class, getting me out of the house for long enough to enjoy a hot date with his rosey palm. Needless to say, I should hope what he got instead wasn't arousing.

The next day eye contact was a no-show, as well as most conversation. I can only hope it stays this awkward.

Just so you can visualize the major characters in this story. Here are pictures:

Roommate:



Me: